Fomo is too real sometimes
Today marks the annual NYC marathon- which is one of the 7 majors worldwide. I'm not going to start the lying now and say that I'm completely at peace knowing that I too will have the opportunity to run one (God-willing very soon!). In fact, like I have with every previous marathon day that I know of, I have gone out of my way to make sure that I do not see or hear anything about it. Why? Because fomo is so real and I'm still in process.
Now, I understand that some people may not understand why hearing about a marathon would make me tweak out with fomo. So, here are some other examples that may be a better fit: your friend is meeting up with someone else to do something you like to do; your favorite artist is performing but you can't go because you don't have the money; the weather is gorgeous outside and you're stuck inside, working; it snowed a ton last night and you've heard the mountain conditions are perfect, but you can't go skiing because your car broke down. Any resonate? Well, that feeling that you felt reading one or two of the examples is what I get hearing about a marathon.... alright maybe worse, but you get the idea.
It goes deeper than surface level fomo. When someone brings up a race, I almost instantly start to spiral. Thoughts start entering my head like: you'll never run one again, you're too far gone, you've messed up your life, you're so weak that's why you can't run one, you'll never get better, they can run one and you can't? At those moments, my mind is a dark place to be. I compare myself to everyone else and how they are stronger, faster, and better looking. My mind then, naturally, turns on my own body and I start picking apart myself feature by feature. As a result, I often find myself in a hole that feels impossible to escape. And it is... without a ladder.
What? Where'd I get ladder from? Well, in case me or anyone else wants to get out of the hole, I've found that thankfulness is the ladder.
How do I know? There have been an embarrassing amount of times that I have found, and still find, myself spiraling and being thankful is what stops the spiral. Let me give you a real-life example from last month.
I was on my way to the gym to do yet another workout focused on single leg stability (it's all physical therapists tell me to do). On my way there, I went by a girl running and that's all it took for me to spiral....
She's so strong. She's definitely training for a marathon. She actually probably does ultras. She has the perfect gym routine and diet. I'm wasting my time going to the gym. I'm never going to be able to run again without pain, let alone a marathon. I ruined my life. I really blew it.
It was at this point that I believe God reminded me- Lydia, it can ALWAYS be worse. I then began to think of everything that could have been wrong and wasn't; this led me to thankfulness.
After all, my legs still worked. My lungs were functioning properly. My heart was beating. I could see, taste, smell, touch, and hear. I had a job that provided me with the money to go to the gym. I had parents that loved me. I hadn't suffered any major losses of friends or family members. I was safe. I had an apartment with both heat and A/C -- the list goes on and on. Just a couple minutes of this gratitude and perspective was enough to stop the spiral and get me out of the hole.
I was so privileged. Things truly could be so much worse. I found myself apologizing to God for being so cynical and critical; I wanted to believe that he had good plans for me after all (Jeremiah 29:11). I also have to remind myself, "Lydia, you're literally a runner, you're just in recovery!" With that said, it does get better!
It may sound crazy, but I promise, thankfulness does help! I want to emphasize, it is not a one and done thing. It was not like poof there goes comparison, fomo, and the spiral. No no no, gratitude brought me through that situation. Reality check, LOTS of people run! Things come up regularly. Each time, I go through this process. And each time, I've found that the hole is slightly easier to climb out of because I don't fall as far down. I believe I'll get to the point where fomo no longer results in a spiral and comparison is not a factor, and I hope the same for everyone who struggles with it. After all, just because today you are missing out, doesn't mean you will also miss out tomorrow!
~Another day, another slay~
Lydia
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